Captain Kirk: Captain Queerbag?
Now it's time where I ask you, loyal viewer, a very, very important and serious question. Mainly, is William Shatner really a big 'ol flaming queen who has somehow managed to make the mainstream media think otherwise?
I have a recurring nightmare where Captain Kirk is going "Beam me up-- Up my tight, wet manhole that is!" over and over again. If any of you are anorexic or bulimic and need an additional way to help maintain that Holocaust look (and suppress your appetite even more) just do the following:
Picture Spock rimming Kirks anus while muttering something about being "Most Illogically Delicious," while little brown berries of shit stick to Spock's chin. Kirk then starts to jerk his love nubbin' while whistling the theme song to Star Trek. Spock keeps getting more aroused, picking up the pace of ass-licking until it all leads to a furious crescendo where they both simultaniously spooge on each others faces.
Now I know what you all are thinking:
"God Bud, that sounds fucking HOTTT!! But Buddy, where is the proof? What makes you think such horrible Un-Christian things? You really should be careful of what you say, you might offend someone! Besides the fact that you are are a fucking skanky Jew bastard who looks like the love child of Janet Reno and the lead singer of Midnight Oil (mixed in with a bit of Richard Simmons' sperm), where is some fucking evidence of your assumptions?"WELL HERE IT IS FOLKS! This video helped reinforce my overbearing suspicion that William Shatner is indeed a homosexual. I'm talking about the most extreme, vicious kind of fag-punk who takes it up the ass without question and begs Pappy for more. I'm talking about your showtune singin', Martha Stewart worshiping man-eater. By the way, the picture of the dude with the red hair is supposed to represent you, the average website reader.
Yeah, you're damn ugly. Deal with it.
Now for the sake of being politically correct I will state that I have nothing against les faggots. Without them the last socks that I bought at Wally's Socks World would have clashed with my skin tone (Thanks again Jermaine, I owe you one for the great advice!). The last thing I want is some homosexual militant group after my sweet, tender young virgin ass. I actually love fags, but not enough to stick my dick up their asses (unless large unmarked sums of cash are offered upfront in an unmarked manilla envelope).
This entire article is the product of not getting enough love as a child and my sick imagination. I'm sure that Mr. Shatner really isn't a gay (wink wink, nudge nudge). Please don't sue me, all I do is watch Star Trek. I worship you! Well, not really.